If you are a friend of mine on Facebook, you know two things about me when it comes to my job; I work with all men and I am constantly annoyed. Well, being pregnant has made my level of annoyance go from a steady 6 on a scale of 1-10, to an astounding 12. Out of my 4 male co-workers, there are 2 in particular that annoy me to no end. For privacy sake, we will call them Picky Peter and Spandex Boy. Picky Peter actually annoys me on more of a regular basis than Spandex Boy because he is in the office more often. Picky Peter is around forty years old and married (to a saint I imagine) and is the pickiest person I have ever met (hence the name). For instance, today we are having a small pizza and beer Christmas party in the office and every time we do this he insists on being in charge of ordering because God forbid there be a single item on the pizza that he doesn’t like. Normal people would pick something off their pizza that they don’t like and set it aside on their plate. But noooo, not Picky Peter. He doesn’t want anything he doesn’t like to even touch the food that he will be eating. He is like a 4 year old, and I am sure that if something like an olive ever touched his piece of pizza he would flail his arms about like a damn child.
Another fine quality of Peter’s is that he always makes things more difficult than they need to be. He will butt into any conversation and suggest an alternative that is far more time consuming than the original plan. The thing that urks me the worst about this is that his suggestions always involve me being the one that has more work. He is by no means my boss, nor my supervisor, yet he loves to suggest odd jobs for me to do. If I hear him say “we can have Caity do this” one more time he is going to go from Picky Peter to Paraplegic Peter. I will rip his freakin’ extremities off and put them on his pizza. I probably would have already assaulted him by now, but I hear that going to jail while pregnant isn’t as fun. I doubt they would let me bring my maternity pillow.
Now that I have gotten my blood pressure up by talking about Picky Peter, let’s discuss Spandex Boy. To answer the obvious questions….yes, he wears spandex to work on a normal basis and no, he’s not gay (although not totally proven). Spandex Boy, unlike Picky Peter, is not married (shocker) and is about 60 years old. To give you a visual, he looks exactly like Albert Einstein, but really skinny. As hot as that sounds, he is quite the opposite. He comes into the office around 10:00 am every morning at a pace of an Olympic speed walker. In fact, he travels everywhere at that pace. Sometimes he breaks into a full on sprint. This would make one think that there is an emergency, but no, that is just what he does. It has annoyed me to the point where I have gone to my boss and petitioned that he put a rule in place that restricts anyone from moving too quickly in the office. It makes me nervous. I assume Spandex Boy wears the spandex to help him move quicker. He does, however, ride his bike to and from work…but that is not a good enough reason in my book to wear spandex to work and keep it on all day long. He also wears the gloves, helmet and special shoes that fit like a puzzle piece into his bike pedals. It’s like he is competing in the Tour de France every day. Once inside he removes his “gear” (including his shoes) and announces his presence by yelling “OK” as loud as he can. He yells this any time he enters a room, a conversation, or sometimes just for the hell of it in the middle of the day. To make things even more fun (and weird), he also talks to himself really loudly as he works and if he is in a really good mood he will sing opera music at the top of his lungs.
My annoyance for these two has reached a point where they don’t even need to speak and I am annoyed. Just looking at their face as they walk (or run) in the door in the morning makes me want to put my fist through the wall. Is this normal?... I ask myself on a daily basis. I even went as far as to Google “is it normal to want to destroy my co-workers when pregnant?”. While Google did not address my question exactly, I was reassured by half a dozen maternity sites that having thoughts like this while pregnant is perfectly normal. So, I came to the conclusion on my own that being overly picky and wearing spandex to work is NOT normal. Thank God I’m not the crazy one.
DISCLAIMER: To all those people who ask me "arent you worried your boss or co-worker will read your blog and/or Facebook posts about them?"...No...that is what they have privacy settings for and they would never know about my blog, much less read it. (and if they do...they can suck it!)
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